It's true, the older you get the faster time flies! This year, I've made a conscious decision to experience New Year's Eve and Day with a more positive outlook. So far it's working. You see, for years, I would get into this funk, a downward spiral of emotion and regret about all the things I did wrong, all the things I should have done, all the goals I did not meet in the past year, and fear of setting new goals only to fail again.
One January many years ago, I gained 20 pounds! I realized I was developing a pattern of maintaining my weight fairly well through the holidays but would pack on pounds afterward. Like most Americans, our family celebrates Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Eve and Day with lots of food and family gatherings. In addition, our youngest son was born on Thanksgiving Day (10 pound turkey), our wedding anniversary is DEC 4, my birthday is DEC 13, then January 24 we celebrate our oldest son's birthday. Wow! A lot of activity for any family, but for me and all of my sentimentality and motherly emotion, the 8 week time period became something I dreaded rather than looked forward to with joy.
But why? Thankfully, I heard this subject discussed on Christian radio where all of these special dates were termed "points of reflection". Apparently my response to these annual celebrations, especially our sons' birthdays, was common. Mothers like me tend to look back and ask themselves did I do all I could have for my children? What about that scrapbook I was supposed to do by their first birthdays? Why didn't I take them to the park more?
The video taken of our first born's one year old birthday party I am crying on camera. Tears of sadness that our little boy was no longer a baby I could snuggle close but a walking and talking human being developing a mind of his own. How did that happen, and so quickly? But also tears of joy, the gratefulness of being his mother, of his healthy body and bright mind, and cute personality, not to mention his chubby legs and giant bright blue eyes.
Now our sons are 22 and 25, all grown up, and most likely having "points of reflection" of their own. My musings are more about me and Bear (DH) now than about our sons. Like did I spend enough time with my daddy after my retirement and before he died? And how can I still be over 200 pounds? Didn't I commit to lose the weight once and for all about 10 years ago? How did my Bear get to be in his mid 50's when just yesterday he was the strapping 20 year old who stole my teenage heart?
He still has my heart, 29 years later, and I still need to lose the weight. But this New Year's Day I am so thankful for so much:
my God, my salvation, my peace
my 29 years of marriage
my widowed mother coping well
our sons, serving God with their time and talents
our daughter-in-law, who loves us and is delivering our Judah any day now
our financial security in spite of the great recession
my home where we have raised our sons
my church where we all have our individual ministries
my very dear friends, most of 20+ years
Dear Heavenly Father, as we enter a new year, I praise you for all my many blessings! Thank you for your grace and mercy and for being the "lifter of my head". Lord I give you my fears as I face new challenges like being a grandmother, being 55, growing in You, improving my health and being the best I can be as a witness for You.
Thank you for another year with my Bear, my mother, my family and friends! I pray this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, your son, my saviour.