My husband Bear and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary on December 4, 2016. Wow! Where have the years gone? This is a time of reflection as I look back over our many years together, my Bear and me. We were 18 and 19 when we met and began dating the following year. The next 5 1/2 years were full of romantic love, college, work, getting to know each others' families but also times of indecision and uncertainty in our relationship. After he graduated from college and we both found grown up jobs, we committed ourselves to God and each other. After an 8 day engagement (what were we thinking?) we were married in my parents' church.
Like any couple who have been married several decades, we have experienced tremendous joy: moving into our first home, the births of our sons, developing a business, a wonderful church life, close ties with our parents and siblings, great friends, memorable family vacations, and 15 years of home schooling which was our greatest family adventure. But like any couple who have been married several decades we have experienced our share of difficulties as well. I have many regrets about the role I have played in our marital discord. But I am so grateful we stood firm in our commitment to each other, to our sons, and to God. We are nothing special. We have caused each other, and I'm sure our sons, pain. We continue to extend each other grace and forgiveness as we grow old together.
Now we find ourselves with an empty nest, we've buried our fathers and care for our mothers, and our 60+ year old selves look nothing like our wedding portrait. But I am thankful Bear is by my side as we enter a new decade in marriage and life with all the changes they will bring.
So to anyone who might be weary in the battle of marriage I encourage you to not give up. Choose your "hard". Yes, it's hard at times to stay in a marriage where you feel you have been unappreciated, unloved, unheard. But divorce is hard too. Divorce is hardest on your children. Do the hard thing by accepting responsibility for your role in the relationship, find a professional who can help you perform the surgery necessary to heal your marriage. Maybe that sounds too easy. It's not. It's hard but you and your spouse are worth it. Your family is worth choosing the hard things of surgery, forgiveness, and unconditional love. Love is a choice. Commitment is a choice. Neither will succeed if they are based on how you feel.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. ... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a, 13
