My husband Bear and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary on December 4, 2016. Wow! Where have the years gone? This is a time of reflection as I look back over our many years together, my Bear and me. We were 18 and 19 when we met and began dating the following year. The next 5 1/2 years were full of romantic love, college, work, getting to know each others' families but also times of indecision and uncertainty in our relationship. After he graduated from college and we both found grown up jobs, we committed ourselves to God and each other. After an 8 day engagement (what were we thinking?) we were married in my parents' church.
Like any couple who have been married several decades, we have experienced tremendous joy: moving into our first home, the births of our sons, developing a business, a wonderful church life, close ties with our parents and siblings, great friends, memorable family vacations, and 15 years of home schooling which was our greatest family adventure. But like any couple who have been married several decades we have experienced our share of difficulties as well. I have many regrets about the role I have played in our marital discord. But I am so grateful we stood firm in our commitment to each other, to our sons, and to God. We are nothing special. We have caused each other, and I'm sure our sons, pain. We continue to extend each other grace and forgiveness as we grow old together.
Now we find ourselves with an empty nest, we've buried our fathers and care for our mothers, and our 60+ year old selves look nothing like our wedding portrait. But I am thankful Bear is by my side as we enter a new decade in marriage and life with all the changes they will bring.
So to anyone who might be weary in the battle of marriage I encourage you to not give up. Choose your "hard". Yes, it's hard at times to stay in a marriage where you feel you have been unappreciated, unloved, unheard. But divorce is hard too. Divorce is hardest on your children. Do the hard thing by accepting responsibility for your role in the relationship, find a professional who can help you perform the surgery necessary to heal your marriage. Maybe that sounds too easy. It's not. It's hard but you and your spouse are worth it. Your family is worth choosing the hard things of surgery, forgiveness, and unconditional love. Love is a choice. Commitment is a choice. Neither will succeed if they are based on how you feel.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. ... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a, 13
Hi Vicki,
ReplyDeleteI think God directed me to read Rhoda's blog this morning. I never read the fashion posts she does but for some reason I did today. Your story could be my story on so many levels. IF you have time I would love to connect with you directly. I am about your age (maybe a bit older) and I just went back to work full-time. I am going to check out the food plan you are on. My email addy is dianakos1@gmail.com. I am looking forward to touching base with you. God bless you- I think sometimes we are directed to go somewhere we would never have chosen without the nudge. Hugs- Diana
I too felt like I was reading some pages from my own life story over the past two years.... I opened up the post because I remember when Rhoda had you on her blog a while back.... WOW .... so glad I opened the post up and read your story....I am encouraged greatly... and I am reading the info on the site that you referred to concerning your weight loss and food plan ..... and congrats!!! you look amazing !!!
ReplyDeleteHi Lisa, I'm so happy to hear from you. I'm thankful Rhoda asked me to share with her readers. I've heard from a lot of them, which is very encouraging and a confirmation I did the right thing by sharing my story. I'm happy to answer any questions you might have about the weight loss plan. It has been a blessing for my physical and spiritual health. I hope the waves of adversity you've experienced the past two years have calmed down for you. Thank you for reaching and for your very thoughtful compliments! God bless you as you seek life more abundantly.
DeleteI just read your article on Southern Hospitality and felt like my heart strings were attached to your story. We have many, many "life" things in common. I found your blog and read your anniversary script - my husband and I have been married 46 years and yes, there has been the hard. Still is at times, but we learned to forgive readily and move on. We have just recently moved here to Acworth to live close to our daughters and are adjusting to a new house, new location, new church, as well as adjusting to a new lifestyle (retirement!). My husband just recently(this Feb) went thru kidney cancer and having it removed, then two weeks later having his gall bladder removed. Sorry, I am rattling......I just feel a heart connection. I, too will explore your weight loss program as I need to lose weight and get off the statins! I also loved all the tops in your photos - may I ask where you shop?
ReplyDeleteHello Beverly, Welcome to the Acworth area! I know your daughters ae happy to have you closer to them. Sounds like you are dealing with some serious life events and waves of adversity. I am so sorry. Where did you move from? Lots of change with the move and then your husband's health problems. Wow. I'm glad you reached out. All of the clothes except the white linen tunic came from Belk. Let me tell you, I was thrilled to shop in the regular women's department! The plan works well for me. I've been on Weight Watchers in the past but with age, or my lack of commitment, it no longer worked for me. I'm happy to answer any questions about the plan you might have. Here's my email address: vicki@group3d.biz I look forward to hearing from you. God bless you Beverly! Vicki
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